I have been thinking about my r/s prob for a very very very long timeAm i doing the right thing? or I'm just trying to do the things right? I have been looking back so much that i couldn't move forward The past hurts..Those memories, happiness and fun...its something that i couldn't get over withI know i still love him...missing him everyday...Yet, its unfair for the other him.....pouring effort and love onto me even though he know he wont reap anything out of it.I'm forcing myself to think that going back is not an option. 
I have been thinking about the decision i have made in the past. I know that thinking about it now is useless...but my head is full of "what if & maybe"What if i have speak up that time? communication is a problem...that's what i said...but y i didn't I try to initiate the topic / chat? Maybe if i have understand his life and situation more..it could have end up in a different way?

What if i have given him a chance to speak his true words?What if i have force him to tell me what he is thinking etc?What if i have sit down and chat with him properly? What if i didn't bottled up my thoughts and say my true thoughts out?Maybe i should have stand by his side no matter what or how bad the situation have become?
I have been doubting myself....doubting my decision..whether it is right or wrong...in a way of whether the decisions i have made is better for myself and for him.We could have taken things slowly..Maybe i'm the only one rushing?
But right now, i think he have moved on. So i should move on too ( even though i can't but i have to try. I know that a small part of me do not want to move on yet.)
I couldn't accept this kind of "ending" for me.I know that he didn't do anything wrongI feel guilty for "bombing" him suddenlyHe didn't know that I've felt insecure, sad and lonelyI should have speak up and tell him, but i didn't, I chose to make it worse and walk away.I didn't even give him any chance to do otherwise. I was too selfish....its hard to see our mistakes until someone have pointed out. He didn't know and i assume that he should know.I'm too stupid...in another perspective..it looks like I'm bullying him
He is going through his toughest period in his life..I wasn't considerate enough to think for him (put myself in his shoes)

Just a small thoughts from others have influenced me so much to do such a cruel thing.She: "my bf text me everyday during ns, he called me no matter what, he will talk to me whenever he have to chance"Me: "oh! but mine didn't, he only reply good morning and night all the time. We can even pass our days without talking." She: " wow, but my bf talks to me everyday without fail"Me: "why my bf wont? is he too busy?"She: "cannot be, maybe he don't love you anymore because a bf usually will talk to his gf in ns for awhile be4 he slp etc"Me in my mind: " oh so he don't love me anymore, i see...."
I love to assume too much.But right now i have another him..which is why the situation have turned so badly.

I can say its because of him and also not because of him that I have broke up or don't want to patch back. maybe I could have settle the problem or situation better last time.But its too late to regret now. Right now, I'm sooooo worried about him
I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn'tI wanted to see him,but I couldn'tI miss those days...our happiest days...but all good things will end...same goes to all bad things will end...
Thinking will not solve anything...but at least i know that i still love him..so so so much...and this has proven me that I truly love him from my heart..
once a baobei...will be my baobei...he is my baobei..my 1 and only baobei...I'm sorryStay safe..healthy and soundI pray for u...deep from my heart.

It hurts...even after 5 months.........but i hope u rmb that i will be there..no matter what happen.....come to me if u want and go as u please....i will still be there.